K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
