tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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