I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
