After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
