There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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