We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
