he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
