so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
