Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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