If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
