so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
