Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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