Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize