how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
