Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
