genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
