remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
