I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How naked do you want me to be?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
