It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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