becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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