I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
