i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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