We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
