I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
