He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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