I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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