I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sober January is a disaster.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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