Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i think i have two assholes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am one with the molecules
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
