Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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