Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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