Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
