Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
