i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
