Who wears a wallet chain?!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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