I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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