made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
