I can text with my tongue
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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