I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
