Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
