if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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