we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
