come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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