forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
