Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
