Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
