If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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