I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
