and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
