A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i think i just lost a toe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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