never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
