Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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