when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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