i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
