it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
