So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
