Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
