You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
