He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
