last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
