a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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