4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
