There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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