So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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