fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
