I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Shame is for Republicans.
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