I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
