I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
