I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
