needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
