What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
