Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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