That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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