I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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