No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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