i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
