I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize