You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
